Writing Fan Fiction 101
by Blinded Moon
Summary: Welcome, children, to the Writing Fan Fiction 101 course. Through the many chapters of this parody on fan fiction, you students will learn the art of writing all different types of Harry Potter stories, from angst to romance. Let the lessons begin!


**Writing Fan Fiction 101**

Chapter 1: Angst/Songfic

What happens when Harry suddenly realizes his best friend has died? Or when he wakes up to find that he is in a dark deserted jail cell? Why, my friends, what happens is an angst-filled story and/or a songfic. I am putting them both in the same category because they are very similar. They are about dark matters, the only difference being that songfics are usually inspired by songs by some miscellaneous emo band and therefore contain infinitely less creativity than normal fan fiction stories. Now, let's get into format. Usually, you want to begin your angst-filled songfic with some lyrics. The lyrics should be centered and italicized, and there should be some sort of symbol expressing that the story is transitioning from fan fiction to lyrics. Like this:

XxXxX

_Where are we? What the hell is going on?  
The dust has only just begun to fall,  
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling._

XxXxX

Easy, isn't it? Well, with songfics, everything's easy, as you don't need to think of anything. Writing fan fiction means that you already have characters and setting, and writing a songfic means that you already have a plot! Could this be any easier? Why am I teaching a class on it? You all must be serious gits (note the use of a British term; be sure not to Americanize your fan fiction) to really need this course.

Anyway, after the lyrics, it's important to establish the dark nature of the story with some opening lines that you should devote all of your time too. After that, the rest of the story is a piece of cake. Here is a sample:

_It was as if the sky had shattered like the window of hope and the clouds had fallen, blocking our world from the sun. There was nothing left. She was gone._

See, doesn't that make you want to read that story? If it does, congratulations! You officially need psychiatric help, as you are clinically depressed and have no friends. However, when writing angst and/or a songfic, the clinically depressed are your target audience. Now, let's get on with the lesson.

The rest of the fic should be pretty easy to write after the opening lines. Angst does not have to fit in with canon, as your sad, sad readers will be too busy empathizing with the pain of the main character to notice mistakes in the plot. It's important to have your lyrics weave cleanly in and out of the story, as there's nothing worse than too many choppy transitions. Also, pay close attention to your final sentences. They are the last thing the reader sees, so they are what are going to leave a lasting image in the reader's mind and are what they're going to comment on should they leave a review. Otherwise, feel free to burst angrily with your depressed thoughts so other depressed people can enjoy them too! I'll finish up my sample fic, just so you all can have a good example.

_It was as if the sky had shattered like the window of hope and the clouds had fallen, blocking our world from the sun. There was nothing left. She was gone. I hadn't been there when she needed me most. I tried to save her from the clutches of the dark hands, but to no avail. There was nothing left. She was gone._

XxXxX

_Hide and seek.  
Trains and sewing machines.  
All those years they were here first._

XxXxX

_I asked her before she left is she was okay venturing alone. She said that she'd be fine, that she wasn't a child anymore. I was foolish to let her go. I was more than foolish. She was one of my best friends at Hogwarts, one of my best friends after Hogwarts, one of my best friends to this very day. But now, she was just a lifeless corpse. She wasn't here anymore to show off her beautiful smile or laugh her carefree laugh. I wish I hadn't taken so much for granted._

XxXxX

_Mmm, what you say?  
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.  
Mmm, what you say?  
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah off course it is.  
Mmm, what you say?  
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this._

XxXxX

_When I was sixteen, I broke her heart. We were two young lovers, and I threw her away like that. I told her that I didn't want to put her in danger, that I only wanted her to be safe._

_Look what happened now._

_I don't know how I could've made such a mistake. Not only did I leave her because I was afraid, now she was killed because I wasn't afraid anymore. I wish I had never left her. I wish I could've stayed with her, to kiss her every minute of every day. I loved her. She was my one and only true love. But I let her go. I pushed her away, like I did to everyone else. Even though she was all I ever wanted. _

_I didn't realize any of this until now. Until I saw her lifeless body. Now I know. I cannot live anymore. I have accomplished the task society has given to me. I have fulfilled all of these expectations. Now, it is time to leave. It's time to join my true love._

_There's nothing left here. It's time for a journey. A journey to forgiveness. A journey to hope. A journey to love._

XxXxX

_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.  
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.  
Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.  
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit._

XxXxX

Please be sure to join us for next week's lesson: romance! Until then, goodbye and good luck with your fan fiction writing!


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